


The Real Househusbands of Diagon Alley

by NymphetamineLithium (ProblematicPancakes)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Other, Spoof, reality show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:03:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7669393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblematicPancakes/pseuds/NymphetamineLithium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the surface, they seem to have it all - money, power, the fastest brooms and the snazziest robes. Their friendships seem tight and their families picture-perfect. But underneath that polished, potion-infused cover there is a cauldron full of drama, gossip and issues. This is the life of the rich and famous wizards, like you've never seen before!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real Househusbands of Diagon Alley

[Dramatic music plays in the background.]

**Narrator:** This season on the Real Househusbands of Diagon Alley there will be:

[The camera pans over Diagon Alley, which is full of people. Snapshots of the entrances to different shops are shown in a sequence. The scene changes to show Seamus sitting beside Ron on a sofa.]

**Seamus:** I'm getting divorced.

[Camera shifts to a party at a restaurant. Harry can be seen aggressively pointing a finger into Blaise's face, who seems taken aback]

**Harry:** How dare you do what you did, shame on you! Shame. On. You.

**Blaise:** Wait, Harry, please let me explain!

[The camera shifts again, showing Ron and Bill, standing in Bill's garden, staring out into the distance.]

**Bill:** I'm moving out from here.

**Ron:** Well, when were you going to tell me about it? When are you moving?

**Bill:** This weekend.

[Camera shows Ron on a white backdrop]  _I've promised our mom, before she passed away, that I will look after Bill. But this, what he is doing... I've had enough with him._

[The word "Drama" appears on a white background] 

**Narrator:** DRAMA!

[Camera shows a sequence of clips, in which Blaise falls down the stairs, Bill nearly gets ran over by a limo, Harry chases Draco with a hot pink thong across the front lawn of his mansion, all the men together pose for a sexy photoshoot in only boxers]

[Camera shifts again, Draco can be seen in his boxers only, walking past Harry]

**Harry:** I bet Astoria is getting some of that tonight?

**Draco:** It's not Christmas, she needs to book an appointment at least two weeks in advance if she wants to do the fricky frack.

[Both men laugh loudly.] 

[The word "Comedy" appears on a white background]

**Narrator:** COMEDY!

[Camera shows Draco in a jeweler's shop]

**Draco:** [talking to the store assistant] It's our tenth wedding anniversary, so it is only appropriate that I spend no less than ten thousand galleons on her gift.

[Camera moves to Ron, standing in his garden and talking to a landscape planner]

**Ron:** I think I'm going to put in a full sized Quidditch pitch in my back yard, what do you think?

**Landscaper:** I think that's a great idea.

**Ron:** How much do you think it will be?

**Landscaper:** Fifty thousand galleon minimum.

**Ron:** That seems reasonable.

[Camera shows Seamus on a white backdrop. His name is displayed at the bottom of the screen]

**Seamus:** It's Kennedy's birthday, so I'm in full planning mode. It's only her fifth, so I think we're trying not to go over twenty thousand galleons for her party and presents. Which might seem like a lot, but is actually pretty conservative if you compare it to some other children's parties around here!

[The word "Money" appears on white background]

**Narrator:** AND MORE MONEY SPENT ON A DAILY THAN YOU THOUGHT EXISTED IN THE WORLD!

[Camera shows Harry, Draco and Ron flying on their broomstick in the night above the Thames, yelling loudly from excitement]

**Narrator:** The all new Real Househusbands of Diagon Alley! Tune in every Wednesday at 9pm GMT, only on AO3!

[The title and time appear on a white background. The screen fades out]

 


End file.
